Am I supposed to write about my daily thinking processes and emotional healing or am I supposed to add the processes whereby I receive my ‘instructions’, or maybe it is both? A combination. I suppose that would be useful, and then at least people would be able to see that their own process is ‘perfectly normal’ and that they are not crazy after all!
If that is the case then I am all for it! However, it might have the opposite effect and people will just see me as completely barking (mad), delusional, Messianic, etc. That reminds me of when I was in my late thirties, studying for a Diploma in Psychodynamic counselling and as part of that diploma we had to have psychodynamic counseling ourselves. At that time, myself and a colleague were trying to set up a domestic violence support group in Stanmore Community Centre, Winchester, but I was beginning to feel out of my depth. Not only was I only starting my counseling career, but I had not even healed the tip of the iceberg in my own domestic violence journey. How could I possibly help other women if I was still ‘in it’ myself?
So naturally I discussed it with my therapist! I had also been training as a healer and channel for the few years prior to starting this counseling Diploma, but I had never broached this with her. One didn’t discuss ‘voices and visions’ with a therapist in those days! But during the session, I suddenly made the decision that I would step back from starting the DMV centre and as soon as I made that decision I ‘saw’ my guides upstairs giving me the thumbs up and saying ‘well done’. I was so relieved because I had been afraid that in not doing the centre I was somehow not following my path, but what I was really doing was letting go of the need to rescue women who were being battered. Reasons that came from my own childhood experiences.
“So, the part of your psyche that is wiser, is saying that it is OK to let it go.” She didn’t get the concept of guides.
“No,” I replied, “My spiritual guides, my soul group, the energies that guide me in my healing journey and my soul journey. They are my teachers, my family.” I was beginning to feel very anxious trying to explain them to her.
But she just didn’t get it and I gave up trying to explain. She believed that I was somehow creating this internal word of ‘support’ because of my ‘colourful’ history of abuse and then I began to wonder if maybe she was right. Maybe I was delusional? Perhaps it was all in my head. Being in the psychotherapeutic world was a great place to become confused about everything! I decided to leave the belief of being potentially delusional as another possible reality (I was reading a lot Seth in those days) and get on with my healing journey.
I never spoke of my guides again with her! But it meant that a huge chunk of my everyday healing life was missing as a result. I could only be half honest with her and that meant I wasn’t able to do all of the work I needed to do. I kept on with it for a while but found healers who did understand and that was better. It wasn’t her fault, it was just that she had no knowledge or experience of the Soul, in the way I experienced it and understood it. She was a counsellor who worked with the premise that everything is the result of unresolved emotional disturbances and that seeing people in my head and hearing them talk to me was clearly ‘unhealthy’!
As much as Psychodynamic work has become second nature to me, and is the foundation for how I work with my healing, it has its theoretical limitations!
So here is my diary of daily doings! I hope it is of some help to you in your own journey! I will divide it into ‘personal healing journey entries’ and ‘energy-work downloads’.